The Cranky Creative shares life-changing words from someone a lot smarter than he is.
Happy New Year, fellow creatives!
I’d like to tell you about a book I’ve been reading called The Pocket Pema Chodron. Named for its author, an American Buddhist nun, this tiny tome draws from Pema’s previous works to bring us bite-sized bits of wisdom to calm and comfort when life gets us down.
A dear colleague gave me the book last year. I kept it in my desk drawer and brought it out whenever I felt anxious or stressed.
Here are just a few of Pema’s insights that are making a huge impression on my life.
Difficulty is inevitable
Seems obvious, right? But wait, it’s deeper than that.
While difficulty is a fact of life, what causes us the most misery is our continuous efforts to avoid pain and fear, to do everything in our power to dodge disappointment and achieve uninterrupted happiness.
Pema says we need to let go of the idea that we could find endless contentment if only this would happen, or if only that, or if only we were better people and we did the right thing.
We can struggle against reality and try to smooth out all of life’s rough spots to make for an easier ride, but it is a losing battle. More importantly, it is missing the point. In trying so hard just to get our way, Pema says, we are rejecting a huge part of the human experience.
To paraphrase a line from the book: We could complain about the rain—or we could feel its wetness instead.
Wouldn’t that be a much better use of our short time here? To just let go, drop our complaints, open our minds and connect with the world as it is?
When we stop struggling against the nature of reality, Pema says, we can relax and be fully present for our lives.
Seeing our problems as teachers
Pema observes that when people encounter problems or pain, we usually see them as obstacles instead of the opportunities they are.
We tell ourselves, “This is not supposed to happen.” And we think that to make things right again, we need to get rid of this obstacle or those painful feelings.
But Pema suggests that these obstacles or enemies can in fact be our friends and teachers. They are the world’s way of showing us where we are stuck. If we choose, we can use these moments to become wiser, kinder, and more at peace with the world. If only we would relax and open ourselves to what is in front of us right in the moment.
The place we are right now, Pema says—that is our path. Whatever you are feeling right now, that is your path. Let the things that come into your life wake you, she says. And don’t despair. For we never know whether a terrible disappointment is the end, or the beginning of something better.
Abandoning hope
That’s right. Give up hope.
According to Pema, “hopelessness is the beginning of the beginning.”
That’s because hope and fear are two sides of the same coin. We can’t have one without the other. Both come from a sense that we are lacking something. This is the root of our pain.
Pema teaches that when we hope for something, or we have expectations for something, we rob ourselves of the ability to relax, to be satisfied with reality and live in the present moment.
Perhaps a more adventurous, kind, and fulfilling way to live is to take life as it comes, the good and the bad, and resist the temptation to label everything as either positive or negative.
“To lead a life that goes beyond pettiness and prejudice and always wanting to make sure that everything turns out on our own terms, to lead a more passionate, full, and delightful life than that, we must realize that we can endure a lot of pain and pleasure for the sake of finding out who we are and what the world is, how we tick and how our world ticks, how the whole thing just is.”
Which leads us to . . .
Approaching life as an experiment
Pema teaches us to lead our lives as an experiment. When we do, we open our minds and cultivate a sense of wonder as we try things this way and that.
If something doesn’t work out, that’s OK. When it is time for something to flourish, it will. If it’s not time for it to happen, it won’t.
“The trick is not getting caught in hope and fear. We can put our whole heart into whatever we do; but if we freeze our attitude into for or against, we’re setting ourselves up for stress. Instead, we could just go forward with curiosity, wondering where this experiment will lead.”
Pema says that when we open ourselves to the always changing, impermanent nature of our own beings and of reality, we grow in our capacity to love other people, to care about things outside of ourselves, and to not be afraid.
Dissolving our self-importance
One of our biggest problems, Pema says, is that we take ourselves so seriously.
Too often, we see ourselves as separate from other people and from the world around us. The characters we play in life are so absurdly important to us that we allow ourselves to get swept up in all the drama. When this happens, we feel justified in being annoyed with everyone and everything.
Self-importance limits us to the narrow world of our own personal likes and dislikes, and pulls us back into those old habits of always avoiding pain and pursuing comfort.
“We think that by protecting ourselves from suffering we are being kind to ourselves. The truth is, we only become more fearful, more hardened, and more alienated. We experience ourselves as separate from the whole . . . Yet when we don’t close off and we let our hearts break, we discover our kinship with all beings.”
Pema says that in Buddha’s opinion, the best use of our human lives is to train ourselves in staying open and curious, in dissolving the assumptions and beliefs to which we cling so tightly.
Now go forth and be less cranky
As 2020 blossoms before us like a big, beautiful lotus flower, I wish you all the best in the coming year. I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and find it helpful in some way. If so, I invite you to share it with others.
Just remember: Relax. Take life as it comes. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Stay in the moment and let it open your heart.
Happy New Year, friends!
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Get your copy of The Pocket Pema Chodron
No matter your spiritual beliefs, The Pocket Pema Chodron offers practical yet profound inspiration you can use to find calm and kindness when life makes you cranky.
Inside this little book, you’ll find more than 100 quotes from Pema’s writings over the years, all delivered in a clear and gentle voice that’s exceptionally easy to read. Each passage is conveniently referenced in the back, making it easy to see which of her books it was originally published in.
Get your copy here or click the image to go directly to Amazon.
The links in this post are affiliate links to Amazon.com. Meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.
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I am glad that this book has been helpful to you. Your distillation is excellent!
Thanks, Chris. Pema’s teachings have the potential to bring amazing peace and perspective. It’s been so great for me that I have gifted copies of the book to others as well. Clearly Pema’s messages resonate, as this post has seen a lot of shares. Thank you again for the book! 🙂