“You can money,” says the slogan for this commercial for Goldman Sachs. A good first clue that the rest of the campaign is a disaster, too.
There she was — Rosamund Pike, an actress I like, looking very peculiar in an odd haircut and unflattering clothes. Adding to the weirdness, she spoke in choppy whispers as she raised a smartphone in one hand and waved an orange pen with the other.
I was too busy processing all of this eccentricity to really gather what she was saying when the commercial’s slogan appeared: “You can money.”
What the fuck?
Below: Rosamund Pike stars in this ad, called “Online Savings Account” for Marcus by Goldman Sachs.
Even forgetting the terrible slogan, this commercial struck me as so strange, so ugly and offputting, that I just had to know more.
I grabbed my laptop, pulled up the ad on YouTube, and watched it again.
As the seconds ticked by, I think I was most distressed by what the people behind this ad had done to Rosamund Pike. What’s with the haircut? Why the bug-eyed expressions? Why was she orange?
I mean, have you seen Rosamund Pike in movies such as Gone Girl and Jack Reacher? She’s marvelous.
But not here.
Here, in this ad for Marcus by Goldman Sachs, she looks and acts like a malfunctioning android from some dystopian future where clothes and fashion are awful.
Then, it hit me: This is about online banking?
Sure enough. From the video description on YouTube: “The Marcus Online Savings Account has no fees and no minimum deposit, is easy to set up and offers convenient 24/7 account access online or via the Marcus app.”
Wow.
Hey, Goldman Sachs. The 90s called — they want their USPs back!
Also, I’m sorry to tell you, but an unfunny joke about free bank pens isn’t worth spending the least bit of time on, and such weak material is nowhere near strong enough to carry an ad campaign.
So far, so bad then. Add in that stupid slogan, and you have one of the worst TV commercials in recent memory.
The campaign’s next ad, titled “Personal Loans with No Fees. Ever,” wastes more precious time — and Pike’s considerable talents — on the idea of “bank coffee,” of all things. The big, knock-your-socks-off selling point? “Personal loans with no fees.”
My God, the creative team must have spent quarters of an hour thinking this up!
Below: This 30-second spot from Marcus by Goldman Sachs is titled “Personal Loans with No Fees. Ever.”
Finally, we have a third ad focused on the totally revolutionary idea of online investing.
I actually laughed out loud at the unique selling proposition (USP) of “get a digitally managed portfolio” — as if some fancy wording makes this 1990s-era feature sound the least bit modern or compelling.
What these Marcus by Goldman Sachs commercials get right
Well, shit.
On the plus side, they hired Rosamund Pike, which would have been a plus had they not dressed her in a goofy getup and told her to act so oddly.
But they did, so it’s not.
I never would have believed it was possible to make Pike look unappealing, but the brain trust at Goldman Sachs and Huge, Inc., the agency behind this mess, managed to do just that.
(Quick aside: The ad agency’s name reminds me of when I was a kid watching MTV in the early 90s. Guest VJ Paul Stanley from KISS was introducing a video from a band called They Might Be Giants. “They Might Be Giants,” he said. “But I doubt it.”)
Sadly, Rosamund Pike was the only positive thing these ads had going for them.
What these Marcus by Goldman Sachs commercials get wrong
Where do I start?
I’ve already criticized these commercials’ dopey futuristic look, which is amusingly juxtaposed with laughably outdated selling points, and the absolute squandering of all but a few precious seconds of each ad’s runtime.
What is the message here? Is this really Goldman Sachs’s first foray into online financial services?
And who the hell is Marcus?
Worst of all, that slogan.
“You can money.”
I can’t even get sufficiently worked up to rant about it. Suffice it to say that this obnoxious trend of formulating slogans as “You can [noun]” is lazy, stupid, and enthusiastically ridiculed by plenty of us non-idiots who work in the industry.
Let me say this: If you are a copywriter or advertiser tempted to make a similar marketing faux pas, stop right now and turn in your marketer’s card. You are a fraud and a joke and you have no business creating advertising communications for anyone.
You can moron all you want, but please — don’t do it here.
Marcus by Goldman Sachs: The Cranky Ad Review verdict
You know, I spend more time than anyone should ever have to being amazed by the big-budget nonsense that gets greenlit by brands and their marketing executives. This campaign is proof that even prestigious brands like Goldman Sachs can fall victim to the flowery but vapid persuasions of totally clueless creatives.
Cranky Ad Review rating: One star out of five.
See all Cranky ad reviews | Go to blog home page
With her incredibly beautiful looks and the BEST voice since Lauren Bacall…she could sell color TVs to blind men!
I’ll agree with you, Edward. Rosamund Pike is gorgeous — but they really made her look goofy in these ads.
Goldman Sachs should have gone the route of Capital One with its ads featuring Jennifer Garner — letting the celebrity spokesperson shine to maximize the ad’s appeal.
I work in finance, not advertising. But I was so puzzled by this ad that I had to google it. Was it a bizarre joke? A mistake? Surely she meant to say “You can manage money,” or something like that?
Perhaps this kernel of creative advertising brilliance will catch on:
General Motors: “You can car.”
Gap: “You can pants.”
Microsoft: “You can cloud computing.”
Dominoes: “You can pizza.”
I wonder what taglines they REJECTED before settling on “You can money” as their best shot at getting people to do their banking with Marcus (Aurelius?) Goldman Sachs Bancus…
“Money a lot you.”
“You money have.”
“Me money like you money like.”
“Gaa gaa goo goo.”
Can’t wait to see their next ad!
You may not work in advertising, RT, but from what I can see, you probably have a leg up on the creatives who actually worked on this ad.
Thanks for the laugh!
With her looks, and the most incredible voice since Lauren Bacall…who cares?
Pike looks and sounds like her character Marla Grayson in “I Care a Lot,” where she sells kidnapped retirees to nursing homes. I had just seen the movie when I saw the first of these retirement-related Marcus commercials.
I’m not interested enough in new retirement strategies to risk being kidnapped and sold to a nursing home. If the Markus app requests GPS location permission, click “Deny”!
Hi, B. Funny you should mention that movie. I’d meant to watch “I Care a Lot” before we cancelled Netflix, but never quite got around to it.
From what you’ve said about the similarities between Pike’s character in that movie and these TV commercials, maybe it’s just as well!
Thanks for writing.
“You can moron all you want…” I actually laughed out loud at that! Not to set you off, and totally in direct contrast to your point…I’m going to use that. Often! But only among friends and family.
Similar to your point about Rosamund Pike…comment on the Gronkowski USAA commercials. They’ve been pissing me off. And at first I thought it was disrespectful to military families, but then I realized it’s not at all. And it has a clear message…a great deal on insurance only for military families. Then I realized, what was pissing me off is the misuse of Gronkowski.
I know the message is that even a superstar like Gronk can’t get this insurance, only military families can because they’re special. Great. And I know Gronk has a working class sort of man of the people image. But the guy is rich, has a great life to the point that he doesn’t play football for the money but because it’s fun and he’s playing with his friend…
They took his brand of being a fun goofball and made him into a petty, deceptive jerk trying to take advantage of something for military families whom we love and respect.
Maybe it’s me, I don’t know. But brilliant commentary on Marcus.
Myles Berkowitz
Hey, Myles! How are ya?
Glad you enjoyed my little play on the slogan, “You can money.” As much as I hate these type of constructions, I have to agree with you that “You can moron” has a real ring to it. 😀
On to the USAA ads, which do indeed seem to be more controversial than I’d expected. A quick search of Reddit and other sites reveals that some people see Gronkowski’s appearance as disrespectful to military families simply because he’s a football player. Others say they don’t like the ads because Gronk is a “dirty player.” (I don’t know if that’s true.) Still others claim the ads are disrespectful to Gronk because apparently, he has a learning disability and the ads make him look dumb? (I don’t know if that’s true, either.)
In any case, I find the ads (the two I’ve seen, anyway) pretty benign with their light-hearted tone and slightly goofy humor. “Look, everyone — USAA insurance is so good, even an all-star football player would love to have it!”
Thanks for your comment, Myles. Good to hear from you!
Brilliant analysis on the fly!
You’re too kind, Myles. But thank you! 🙂