The following is an actual humblebrag I tongue-in-cheek posted on LinkedIn — dedicated to the LinkedIn “thought leaders,” “rockstars” and “gurus” whose humblebrag posts inspire me to, well, keep scrolling my feed.
Ah, the humblebrag: the siren song of the social media scroll, the forbidden fruit of self-promotion, dripping in faux modesty.
How I had yearned to do it well.
For years, I watched with a mix of envy and admiration as colleagues and complete strangers alike waltzed effortlessly through this minefield, like ballerinas with briefcases. Their carefully crafted posts, often cheekily featuring short sentences and even single words as their own complete paragraphs, left me feeling clumsy and out of step, like a tap dancer at a silent movie audition. 📽
Oh, how I ached to be like these popular posters, to sprinkle the fairy dust of self-deprecation on my achievements, to boast casually about my “busy schedule” while simultaneously lamenting the “burden” of my success.
Alas, my attempts were met with deafening silence and a not infrequent raised eyebrow. 🤨
However, I am nothing if not determined. So I embarked on a quest — indeed, a Sisyphean struggle — to master the art and science of the #LinkedIn #humblebrag:
- I devoured my news feed and visited blogs, meticulously dissecting the posts of thought leaders and influencers.
- I practiced writing new posts in the mirror, channeling my inner Shakespeare (well, the humblebragging part, at least).
- I took obessive notes on the optimal number of emojis to use per post, because apparently, that’s one of the things that separates humblebrag amateurs from the true professionals. 😎
The journey was not easy. There were harrowing moments of fear, uncertainty, and self-doubt, of questioning whether I was destined to forever remain a social media wallflower.
But then, one serendipitous morning as I contemplated my personal brand while sipping a Starbucks caffè latte, it hit me:
The key was not just in the words . . .
It was the feeling.
(IYKYK. Right, LinkedIn fam?)
I realized that to humblebrag well, you had to embrace the paradox, revel in the absurdity of simultaneously downplaying your achievements while highlighting them in garish glowing neon for all the world to see.
It was a delicate dance, a carefully choreographed performance designed to evoke in the audience a mixture of respect, reverence — and most of all — envy. 💚
All at once, the dam broke. 🌊💦
“Yassss!” 🎉
My posts, once clunky and transparent, morphed into masterpieces of self-deprecation and low-key braggadocio. Each sentence became a brushstroke of carefully crafted “humble” brilliance. 🖌 🎨 🖼
Now, I’m not saying I am a master (yet!). The path to humblebragging mastery is a lifelong pursuit, one that requires constant learning and practice (not to mention the occasional existential crisis).
But for those of you struggling to get there, for those who, like me, once felt lost in the sea of social media mediocrity, I say this:
DON’T GIVE UP! 💥
Keep practicing, keep honing your craft, and remember: a well-executed humblebrag is the key to social media supremacy (and the validation your soul so desperately craves — believe me, it’s worth its weight in likes and follows!).
And if you are ever feeling lost . . . if the line between bragging and humility seems as blurry as an underwater Monet . . . feel free to reach out. After all, what is the point of mastering a skill like humblebragging if I cannot enlighten the unwashed masses with my wisdom (and, okay, maybe casually drop a killer humblebrag or two)?
But that is all for now, my faithful followers. I am off to grab a celebratory white chocolate mocha frappuccino with my barista muse at Starbucks. ☕
After all, conquering the social media jungle calls for a delicious treat, and a mere dark roast coffee simply will not do. 👑
Until next time, stay humble (or at least pretend to be), and may all of your LinkedIn humblebrags be ever so subtly executed.
YOLOOOO! 💯 💯 💯
#humblebragmasterclass #humblebraggingfordummies #shakespeareanselfdeprecation #superstar #winningatlife #humblebraggingexpertconsultationavailable
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