Business buzzwords and corporate jargon I hate

The corporate world runs on business jargon—bullshitty buzzwords that mask the meaning of the things we want to say.

Why do so many businesspeople muddle their messages with mush-mouthed words and cliches? To sound smart? To fit in? To hide their lack of knowledge?

Whatever the reason, it’s time we said enough.

Clear communication is everyone’s job. So let’s take the time—and have the courage—to say what we mean and mean what we say, no excuses.

Can it really be any harder than talking like this?

48 business buzzwords to erase from your vocabulary today

Here are the business buzzwords and expressions that most drive me nuts. Do us a favor and stop using them now — or at least when I’m around.

Agile

A project management approach that got its start among software developers. Now it’s all the rage among business leaders, most of whom haven’t the first clue how to implement it effectively. Agile is also a much-overused word to describe how awesomely responsive a company is to change.

Example: “Our company is young and agile—it’s how we stay ahead of the curve.”

Agreeance

Agreement.

Example: “Are we in agreeance?”

Truly, uttering this word should be a punchable offense. But the idea of agreement (i.e., compliance and capitulation) is so important to businesspeople, they have dedicated myriad other words and phrases to it as well. For example, “Are we on the same page?” and our next word . . .

Alignment

Agreement or consensus.

Example: “Are we all in alignment on this?”

I once worked on an Agile team where the scrum master—a bright young woman who was otherwise well spoken—used this term incessantly. My usual response was a series of small facial tics and a strong resistance to being aligned.

Bandwidth

Capacity in time or resources.

Example: “I’d love to jump in and help you with your epic dumpster fire of an emergency project, but I don’t have the bandwidth right now.”

People, just sack-up and say you don’t have the time.

Bespoke

Unique or made to order. British, originally used to describe men’s tailored suits.

Example: “We’ve optimized your marketing campaign using many bespoke social media ads.”

It takes a truly bespoke kind of asshole to use this word in daily life.

Brain dump

A scatological-sounding way of saying someone will share with you everything he or she knows about a topic.

Example: “Cheryl, have Marco give you a brain dump on that before he leaves.”

Sounds messy.

Challenge

A huge fucking problem.

Example: “Our challenge now is to condense a week’s worth of analysis into the next two days.”

See also: Opportunity.

Change agent

A breathtakingly pompous job title given to oneself on LinkedIn.

Example: “John Smith, MBA | Culture Champion | Innovator | Change Agent”

He left out “Douchebag.”

See also: Thought leader.

Consume content

To read, watch, or listen to a marketing spiel, especially one disguised not to look or sound like a marketing spiel.

Example: “The amount of time people spent consuming our content last quarter was up 30 percent.”

I’m sorry, marketers, but people are not dining on your blog posts like some kind of epicurean delicacy. They’re not purring and moaning as they lick your self-serving and irrelevant pablum from their fingers. So please, stop it with the “people are consuming our content” BS. It’s gross.

See also: Snackable content.

Core values

High-minded principles conjured by management to make a company appear more ethical, equitable, and scrupulous than it really is. In most cases, a company’s core values boil down to, “Be nice and don’t rock the boat. Free thinkers (and anyone we don’t like) will be fired.”

Example: “This giant overhead banner is a constant reminder of our company’s core values.”

Craft (verb)

To write or design.

Example: “Here’s an incomplete brief. Is this enough for you to craft some copy from?”

Why is it that so many other people get to not do their jobs, yet I have to meticulously “craft” everything?

Creative juices

Strategic thinking ability.

Example: “We want great ideas, so get your creative juices flowing!”

I always throw up in my mouth a little whenever someone equates my professional skills with body fluids.

Crushing it/killing it

An overly enthusiastic, macho way of saying, “You’ve done a great job.”

Example: “Oh, man, way to go on those Facebook ads. You’re totally crushing it!”

Please stop. I’m a copywriter, not The Incredible Hulk.

Culture fit

How well an employee is perceived to fit within a company’s culture.

Example: “Yes, Mike really knows his stuff, but I’m not sure he’s a good fit for the culture.”

Remember, people: Nowadays, your skills, knowledge, and abilities are far less important to employers than how well you can kiss ass and pretend to BFF with your incompetent coworkers.

Debrief

To update someone on something.

Example: “Maria, why don’t you meet with the team to debrief about the conference.”

I hope everyone remembers their super-secret decoder rings.

Dialog (verb)

Talk with someone.

Example: “Our company knows so much more about our customers now that we’ve hired external consultants to dialog with them.”

Disconnect (noun)

A misunderstanding; a difference of opinion.

Example: “This layout is a disaster. There must be a disconnect between the client and designer.”

Email blast

A marketing email sent to a large number of people.

Example: “We’re sending an email blast to all our current customers.”

Is email marketing really so dull that it needs embellishing with laser beams and explosions?

Empower

To give someone the authority or power to do something.

Example: “I don’t want to do this anymore, so I’m empowering you to do it for me from now on.”

Jazz it up

To add unnecessary flourishes to perfectly good copy and design because the reviewer is unqualified to judge creative.

Example: “I really like this, but can you jazz it up a little?”

Guru/maven/ninja/rockstar/wizard

Credibility-busting buzzwords tacked onto job titles to make dull people and positions sound exciting.

Example: “Meet Jamie, our social media maven; Heather, our graphic design guru; and Rick, our copywriting rock star.”

I’m partial to “lyrical gangster” myself.

Learn into

To learn how to do something as you are doing it.

Example: “We’ve never done anything like this before, so we’ll all just have to learn into it as we go.”

Often heard when short-sighted management impulsively decides to push forward with a new initiative immediately rather than first allow its people time to learn the things they need to succeed.

Learnings

New knowledge or lessons gained from an experience.

Example: “In this presentation, I will share my learnings from our last campaign.”

Just say, “What I learned.”

Level set (verb)

To agree on expectations or confirm that all stakeholders understand something to the same degree.

Example: “I just want to level-set everyone on expectations.”

Level-set this.

Leverage

The exertion of force by means of a lever. Or in business jargon, to use.

Example: “We’ll need to leverage all of our resources to win this account.”

The next time I hear someone use this buzzword, I may have to leverage one of my legs to kick their ass.

Lockstep

Yet another word for “agreement.”

Example: “Let’s make sure we’re all in lockstep about what’s going to happen.”

Don’t you especially love the connotation of marching soldiers?

Make it pop

Feedback given to a copywriter or graphic designer by someone who has no clue what they want or how to ask for it.

Example: “This looks good, but can you make it pop?”

OOO

Out of office.

Example: “Sorry I can’t respond to your email, I’m OOO this afternoon.”

Yooo are tooo coool.

Open the kimono

To reveal plans or information about the inner workings of a project or company.

Example: “We won’t know more about last quarter’s financial performance until they open the kimono.”

Some have called this expression offensive for being racist and sexist. May I suggest “drop the boxers” instead?

Opportunity

A problem or weakness. An area that needs improvement.

Example: “Our failure in this market is actually a huge opportunity.”

See also: Challenge.

Out of pocket

The amount of money for which you are responsible after your insurance company pays a claim. Or, in business jargon, “out of office.”

Example: “Can we wrap this up by Friday? I’m out of pocket next week.”

This makes literally zero sense to me. If you hear someone use this expression, I urge you to deactivate his key card while he’s away “out of pocket.” Your company will instantly improve by one full unit on the Corporate Toolbag Scale.

Piggyback

To add onto a previous idea.

Example: “I’d like to piggyback on what Rebecca just said…”

Ping (verb)

To contact.

Example: “I’ll ping you tomorrow so we can discuss details.”

Unless you are the sonar operator on a submarine, please do not ping me. Even then, you’ll reach me more easily by phone, text, email, or carrier pigeon.

Please advise

A request for a response or further direction.

Example: “JD, where are the revisions I requested? It’s nearly 5 p.m. and the client is waiting. Please advise.”

Translation: “What the fuck is going on?”

Rightsize

To downsize a company or department through layoffs.

Example: “Our forecasting is shitty and we hired too many people. But ‘downsizing’ sounds bad so we’re going to rightsize the company instead.”

Serial entrepreneur

A person who has started several (probably failed) businesses. An obnoxious way of describing oneself on resumes and professional platforms such as LinkedIn.

Example: “Skippy James, MBA | Serial Entrepreneur | Disruptive Thinker | Chief Visionary Officer”

So you’re currently unemployed, got it.

Sharpen the brand

To better position a brand by defining and differentiating it through copy and design.

Example: “We’ve hired an external agency to help us sharpen our brand.”

When sharpening a brand, be careful. If things go south—for example, a huge fuckup by management forces you to cut the budget and abandon the project before it’s complete, you could wind up paying an agency tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars for a glorified style guide that amounts to little more than a color palette and some fonts. (Yes, this really happened.)

Snackable content

“Bite-sized” content—such as blog posts and videos—said to be effective because “people don’t like to read.”

Example: “We’re engaging our prospects more effectively with snackable content that’s faster and easier to digest.”

Whoever coined this buzzword needs to be stomped in the crotch with both feet hard.

Socialize

To share information.

Example: “We need to socialize these learnings with the rest of management ASAP.”

I occasionally socialize at parties. I will not socialize your PowerPoint.

Speak to

Talk about; explain.

Example: “Rachel, would you please speak to the change in this month’s numbers?”

Talk to the hand.

Stand up

To set up or build a business function or process.

Example: “We’ll need about two weeks to stand up the digital ads and landing pages.”

Sit down.

Storyteller

An artist, such as an author, poet, or screenwriter, who tells stories. Maybe your grandpa, too—if you’re five.

In business jargon, a storyteller is most anyone who writes copy.

Example: “As a professional storyteller, I help brands tell their stories through blog posts, case studies, and white papers.”

Storytelling became a hot buzzword around the time that content marketing made the scene. As more and more “creative writers” found their way into the business, they apparently decided the title “copywriter” sounded too smarmy.

So, “storytellers.”

Give me a break.

Synergy

The magical performance increases that result from combining separate entities such as companies. As the thinking goes, 1 + 1 = 3.

Example: “The synergy created by this merger will enable our new company to serve its customers more effectively than either company could ever have done alone.”

This word is frequently used in press releases announcing company mergers to allay employee and shareholder fears just before layoffs begin.

Team player

A milquetoast employee who always does what he’s told.

Example: “Stop asking so many questions, Quinn. Be a team player.”

Independent thinkers need not apply.

Thought leader

A bullshit title people give themselves to hide the fact that they’re unemployed.

Example: “Joan Smith, MBA | Thought Leader | Culture Champion | Twat-Waffle”

See also: Change agent.

Track (verb)

To follow, as in a conversation.

Example: “Are you tracking with me?”

Yeah, I’m with you, bud.

Unpack

To explain, discuss, or review.

Example: “This podcast was full of learnings, so let me unpack it for you.”

Work your magic

To do the thing you are paid to do but under dire circumstances completely within the job requester’s control.

Example: “Hey, I need a brochure in an hour. Can you work your magic to get it done?”

Bye-bye buzzwords, hello clarity

The next time you have the urge to use one of these buzzwords, take a moment to think about what you really want to say. Then say it more simply, without the business babble.

Before you know it, you’ll be a more effective communicator whose words inspire clarity, confidence, and trust.

I’ll end with this music video, appropriately titled “Mission Statement,” by Weird Al Yankovic. Enjoy.

(And as always, if you like this article, please share it with others who might like it, too.)

---

What are some popular buzzwords at your workplace? Let us know in the comments below.

Back to blog home page.